


Two Arrogant Uncles Shouting to the Beat

by Amity_Ax



Category: Transformers - All Media Types
Genre: & blurbs, Accidental Plot, Basically a mad lib, Bombs, But is it a loss for the characters or for the author?, But that'll probably be a one-time thing, Crack, Crimes & Criminals, Deliberate Badfic, Dystopia, Explosions, Giant Purple Griffin - Freeform, Gun Violence, I Can't Believe I Wrote This, I Don't Even Know, I couldn't come up with this by myself, It is designed to be dumb, Loss of Sanity, Multi, Newspapers, Old Memes, One chapter is a character description, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Sentinel Prime's chin - Freeform, Short Stories, Stupidity, The only thing I've ever posted, This is a collection of plot generator posts, This is the stupidest thing I've ever posted, Unless anyone wants more i guess, Weirdness, a weird amount of toes, but still, desecration of Ultra Magnus's Office, headlines, in case it isn't clear, letters to your local prime, make Cliffjumper & Ultra Magnus a tag cowards, megatron is a sliver fox, oh my!, playscrips, these chapters don't share a continuity, tinder parody, unedited, unless you want them to I guess, who knows - Freeform, you can decide if chapter 10 is in the animated or idw universe, your local Thunder boi pressured into going on Tinder
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-25
Updated: 2020-12-18
Packaged: 2021-03-03 03:55:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 7,445
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24378325
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Amity_Ax/pseuds/Amity_Ax
Summary: Going to Random Story-Generator Sites When I hit Roadblocks in My Writing: The Musical.This is just a collection of auto-written plots that occasionally inspire me to write things. They turned out so stupid that I cried, so I decided everyone must see them. Mostly Transformers based, because that's where I'm having writer's block right now.
Relationships: Brainstorm/Stupid Decisions, Breakdown/Dead End (Transformers), Cliffjumper & Ultra Magnus, Elita One/Optimus Prime, Jazz/Prowl, Megatron/Starscream (Transformers), Other Relationship Tags to Be Added, Rung & Whirl (Transformers), Thundercracker/anyone plz, if you squint, one-sided Sentinel Prime/Megatron
Comments: 26
Kudos: 13





	1. Two Arrogant Uncles Shouting to the Beat

**Author's Note:**

> I am very sorry about this. I didn't want it to be this way. I didn't want this to be my first post, but I can't not share this. I'm so sorry. 
> 
> FYI, this is meant to be so horrific, that when I eventually write other stuff, and I inevitably become too afraid to post because I'm afraid it will be bad, I can look back on this collection and go: nothing, _NOTHING_ could possibly be as terrible as that. So thanks for putting up with me. 
> 
> This is also meant to be format and HTML practice, so let me know if there is anything wrong on that front. Thanks!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a normal interaction between Starscream and Megatron.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Transformers or anything related to it. All the characters belong to whoever Transformers belongs to now-a-days. Could be Marvel, could be Disney. Who knows?

Megatron was thinking about Starscream again. Starscream was a Secretive Coward with Shiny Arms and Athletic Wings.

Megatron walked over to the window and reflected on his Purple surroundings. He had always hated Cold Home Base with its moaning, mouldy Metal Walls. It was a place that encouraged his tendency to feel Irritated.

Then he saw something in the distance, or rather someone. It was the a Secretive figure of Starscream.

Megatron gulped. He glanced at his own reflection. He was a Tactless, Cold-blooded, Energon drinker with Enormous Arms and Gray Wings. His friends saw him as a greasy, grieving Gladiator. Once, he had even revived a dying Sparkling.

But not even a Tactless person who had once revived a dying Sparkling, was prepared for what Starscream had in store today.

The Foggy teased like Flying Buzzard, making Megatron Enraged. Megatron grabbed a Mysterious Gun that had been strewn nearby; he massaged it with his fingers.

As Megatron stepped outside and Starscream came closer, he could see the sparkling glint in his eye.

Starscream glared with all the wrath of 3586 Manipulative bad Birds. He said, in hushed tones, "I hate you and I want power."

Megatron looked back, even more Enraged and still fingering the Mysterious Gun. "Starscream, you're a fool," he replied.

They looked at each other with Vindicated feelings, like two curly, clumsy Cats Mocking at a very Passionate Raid, which had Classical music playing in the background and two Arrogant uncles Shouting to the beat.

Suddenly, Starscream lunged forward and tried to punch Megatron in the face. Quickly, Megatron grabbed the Mysterious Gun and brought it down on Starscream's skull.

Starscream's Shiny Arms trembled and his Athletic Wings wobbled. He looked Gleeful, his emotions raw like a dizzy, dripping Doorway.

Then he let out an agonising groan and collapsed onto the ground. Moments later Starscream was dead.

Megatron went back inside and made himself a nice drink of Energon.

THE END

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Auto Praise for _Two Arrogant Uncles Shouting to the Beat_  
> 
> 
> "I feel like I know Megatron. In a way, it feels as though I've always known him."  
>  \- The Daily Tale
> 
> "About as enjoyable as being hailed on whilst taking in washing that has been targeted by seagulls with the squirts."  
>  \- Enid Kibbler
> 
> "Saying the Foggy teased like Flying Buzzard is just the kind of literary device that makes this brilliant."  
>  \- Hit the Spoof
> 
> "I could do better."  
>  \- Zob Gloop
> 
> Don't blame me, thank [The Plot Generator](https://www.plot-generator.org.uk) for this.


	2. I want to die

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> idk, man.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Transformers or anything related to it. All the characters belong to their handlers.

Once upon a time there was a evil boy called Frenzy. He was on the way to see his Daddy Soundwave, when he decided to take a short cut through Afthole forest.

It wasn't long before Frenzy got lost. He looked around, but all he could see were trees. Nervously, he felt into his bag for his favourite toy, Rumble, but Rumble was nowhere to be found!

Frenzy began to panic. He felt sure he had packed Rumble. To make matters worse, he was starting to feel hungry.

Unexpectedly, he saw a skilled cat dressed in a purple dungarees disappearing into the trees.

"How odd!" thought Frenzy.

For the want of anything better to do, he decided to follow the peculiarly dressed cat. Perhaps it could tell him the way out of the forest.

Eventually, Frenzy reached a clearing. In the clearing were two houses, one made from Energon Crystals and one made from rust sticks.

Frenzy could feel his tummy rumbling. Looking at the houses did nothing to ease his hunger.

"Hello!" he called. "Is anybody there?"

Nobody replied.

Frenzy looked at the roof on the closest house and wondered if it would be rude to eat somebody else's chimney. Obviously it would be impolite to eat a whole house, but perhaps it would be considered acceptable to nibble the odd fixture or lick the odd fitting, in a time of need.

A cackle broke through the air, giving Frenzy a fright. A witch jumped into the space in front of the houses. She was carrying a cage. In that cage was Rumble!

"Rumble!" shouted Frenzy. He turned to the witch. "That's my toy!"

The witch just shrugged.

"Give Rumble back!" cried Frenzy.

"Not on your nelly!" said the witch.

"At least let Rumble out of that cage!"

Before she could reply, the skilled cat in the purple dungarees rushed in from a footpath on the other side of the cleaning.

"Hello Big Cat," said the witch.

"Good morning." The cat noticed Rumble. "Who is this?"

"That's Rumble," explained the witch.

"Ooh! Rumble would look lovely in my house. Give it to me!" demanded the cat.

The witch shook her head. "Rumble is staying with me."

"Um... Excuse me..." Frenzy interrupted. "Rumble lives with me! And not in a cage!"

Big Cat ignored him. "Is there nothing you'll trade?" he asked the witch.

The witch thought for a moment, then said, "I do like to be entertained. I'll release him to anybody who can eat a whole front door."

Big Cat looked at the house made from rust sticks and said, "No problem, I could eat an entire house made from rust sticks if I wanted to."

"There's no need to show off," said the witch. "Just eat one front door and I'll let you have Rumble."

Frenzy watched, feeling very worried. He didn't want the witch to give Rumble to Big Cat. He didn't think Rumble would like living with a skilled cat, away from his house and all his other toys.

Big Cat put on his bib and withdraw a knife and fork from his pocket.

"I'll eat this whole house," said Big Cat. "Just you watch!"

Big Cat pulled off a corner of the front door of the house made from rust sticks. He gulped it down smiling, and went back for more.

And more.

And more.

Eventually, Big Cat started to get bigger — just a little bit bigger at first. But after a few more fork-fulls of rust sticks, he grew to the size of a large snowball — and he was every bit as round.

"Erm... I don't feel too good," said Big Cat.

Suddenly, he started to roll. He'd grown so round that he could no longer balance!

"Help!" he cried, as he rolled off down a slope into the forest.

Big Cat never finished eating the front door made from rust sticks and Rumble remained trapped in the witch's cage.

"That's it," said the witch. "I win. I get to keep Rumble."

"Not so fast," said Frenzy. "There is still one front door to go. The front door of the house made from Energon Crystals. And I haven't had a turn yet."

"I don't have to give you a turn!" laughed the witch. "My game. My rules."

The woodcutter's voice carried through the forest. "I think you should give him a chance. It's only fair."

"Fine," said the witch. "But you saw what happened to the cat. He won't last long."

"I'll be right back," said Frenzy.

"What?" said the witch. "Where's your sense of impatience? I thought you wanted Rumble back."

Frenzy ignored the witch and gathered a hefty pile of sticks. He came back to the clearing and started a small camp fire. Carefully, he broke off a piece of the door of the house made from Energon Crystals and toasted it over the fire. Once it had cooked and cooled just a little, he took a bite. He quickly devoured the whole piece.

Frenzy sat down on a nearby log.

"You fail!" cackled the witch. "You were supposed to eat the whole door."

"I haven't finished," explained Frenzy. "I am just waiting for my food to go down."

When Frenzy's food had digested, he broke off another piece of the door made from Energon Crystals. Once more, he toasted his food over the fire and waited for it to cool just a little. He ate it at a leisurely pace then waited for it to digest.

Eventually, after several sittings, Frenzy was down to the final piece of the door made from Energon Crystals. Carefully, he toasted it and allowed it to cool just a little. He finished his final course. Frenzy had eaten the entire front door of the house made from Energon Crystals.

The witch stamped her foot angrily. "You must have tricked me!" she said. "I don't reward cheating!"

"I don't think so!" said a voice. It was the woodcutter. He walked back into the clearing, carrying his axe. "This little boy won fair and square. Now hand over Rumble or I will chop your broomstick in half."

The witch looked horrified. She grabbed her broomstick and placed it behind her. Then, huffing, she opened the door of the cage.

Frenzy hurried over and grabbed Rumble, checking that his favourite toy was all right. Fortunately, Rumble was unharmed.

Frenzy thanked the woodcutter, grabbed a quick souvenir, and hurried on to meet Soundwave. It was starting to get dark.

When Frenzy got to Soundwave's house, his Daddy threw his arms around him.

"I was so worried!" cried Soundwave. "You are very late."

As Frenzy described his day, he could tell that Soundwave didn't believe him. So he grabbed a napkin from his pocket.

"What's that?" asked Soundwave.

Frenzy unwrapped a doorknob made from rust sticks. "Pudding!" he said.

Soundwave almost fell off his chair.

THE END

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Credit to the [Plot Generator](https://www.plot-generator.org.uk), because I don't want it.


	3. Two Adorable Uncles Caring to the Beat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> My stunt boys Dead End and Breakdown having a normal interaction. Just an average day. Yup.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Important: I put in sh!tty as a descriptive word, and it auto-changed it to poopy. I think it might be time for me to find a different Story Generator. Sh!tty is censored, because I might as well keep the child-friendly theme. _FOR NOW_.

Dead End looked at the poopy bomb in his hands and felt existential.

He walked over to the window and reflected on his rough surroundings. He had always hated craggy The Front with its comfortable, charming cliffside. It was a place that encouraged his tendency to feel existential.

Then he saw something in the distance, or rather someone. It was the figure of Breakdown. Breakdown was a skittish Wreck with purple tires and lithe hands.

Dead End gulped. He glanced at his own reflection. He was a dull, nihilistic, Oil drinker with dirty tires and broad hands. His friends saw him as a comfortable, charming Car. Once, he had even jumped into a river and saved a straight Breakdown.

But not even a dull person who had once jumped into a river and saved a straight Breakdown, was prepared for what Breakdown had in store today.

The sun shone like driving lions, making Dead End nervous.

As Dead End stepped outside and Breakdown came closer, he could see the square smile on his face.

"Look Dead End," growled Breakdown, with a considerate glare that reminded Dead End of skittish bears. "I hate you and I want to leave. You owe me 4753 credits."

Dead End looked back, even more nervous and still fingering the poopy bomb. "Breakdown, we all die someday. Maybe today! I hope so," he replied.

They looked at each other with depressed feelings, like two tricky, terrible tigers falling at a very annoying Candle Nights, which had Smooth Jazz music playing in the background and two adorable uncles caring to the beat.

Dead End regarded Breakdown's purple tires and lithe hands. "I don't have the funds ..." he lied.

Breakdown glared. "Do you want me to shove that poopy bomb where the sun don't shine?"

Dead End promptly remembered his dull and nihilistic values. "Actually, I do have the funds," he admitted. He reached into his pockets. "Here's what I owe you."

Breakdown looked paranoid, his wallet blushing like a crazy, clumsy car door.

Then Breakdown came inside for a nice drink of Oil.

THE END

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer again: I don't own transformers and never will. Credit to the [Plot Generator](https://www.plot-generator.org.uk), as usual.


	4. Megatron the Giant Purple Griffin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A screenplay, featuring Optimus, Bumblebee, and Megatron the Giant Purple Griffin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, call me crazy, but I think this one might have legs. o__O

#### INT. HOME BASE - AFTERNOON

Majestic Librarian SIR OPTIMUS PRIME is arguing with cheerful Support Group Leader OFFICIAL FRIEND ELITA ONE. OPTIMUS tries to hug ELITA but she shakes him off.

OPTIMUS  
Please Elita, don't leave me.

ELITA  
I'm sorry Optimus, but I'm looking for somebody a bit more brave. Somebody who faces his fears head on, instead of running away.

OPTIMUS  
I am such a person!

ELITA frowns.

ELITA  
I'm sorry, Optimus. I just don't feel excited by this relationship anymore.

ELITA leaves.

OPTIMUS sits down, looking defeated.

Moments later, determined Scout THIRDWHEEL BUMBLE BEE barges in looking flustered.

OPTIMUS  
Goodness, Bumble! Is everything okay?

BUMBLE  
I'm afraid not.

OPTIMUS  
What is it? Don't keep me in suspense...

BUMBLE  
It's ... a Giant Purple Griffin ... I saw an evil Giant Purple Griffin sit on a bunch of movie goers!

OPTIMUS  
Defenseless movie goers?

BUMBLE  
Yes, defenseless movie goers!

OPTIMUS  
Bloomin' heck, Bumble! We've got to do something.

BUMBLE  
I agree, but I wouldn't know where to start.

OPTIMUS  
You can start by telling me where this happened.

BUMBLE  
I was...

BUMBLE fans himself and begins to wheeze.

OPTIMUS  
Focus Bumble, focus! Where did it happen?

BUMBLE  
Drive in Movie Theater! That's right - Drive in Movie Theater!

OPTIMUS springs up and begins to run.

####  EXT. A ROAD - CONTINUOUS 

OPTIMUS rushes along the street, followed by BUMBLE. They take a short cut through some back gardens, jumping fences along the way.

####  EXT. DRIVE IN MOVIE THEATER - SHORTLY AFTER 

MEGA TRON, a genocidal Giant Purple Griffin, terrorises two movie goers.

OPTIMUS, closely followed by BUMBLE, rushes towards MEGA, but suddenly stops in his tracks.

BUMBLE  
What is is? What's the matter?

OPTIMUS  
That's not just any old Giant Purple Griffin, that's Mega tron!

BUMBLE  
Who's Mega tron?

OPTIMUS  
Who's Mega tron? Who's Mega tron? Only the most genocidal Giant Purple Griffin in the universe!

BUMBLE  
Blinkin' knickers, Optimus! We're going to need some help if we're going to stop the most genocidal Giant Purple Griffin in the universe!

OPTIMUS  
You can say that again.

BUMBLE  
Blinkin' knickers, Optimus! We're going to need some help if we're going to stop the most genocidal Giant Purple Griffin in the universe!

OPTIMUS  
I'm going to need explosions, lots of explosions.

Mega turns and sees Optimus and Bumble. He grins an evil grin.

MEGA  
Optimus Prime, we meet again.

BUMBLE  
You've met?

OPTIMUS  
Yes. It was a long, long time ago...

####  EXT. A PARK - BACK IN TIME 

A young OPTIMUS is sitting in a park listening to some The Touch music, when suddenly a dark shadow casts over him.

He looks up and sees MEGA. He takes off his headphones.

MEGA  
Would you like some energon candies?

OPTIMUS's eyes light up, but then he studies MEGA more closely, and looks uneasy.

OPTIMUS  
I don't know, you look kind of genocidal.

MEGA  
Me? No. I'm not genocidal. I'm the least genocidal Giant Purple Griffin in the world.

OPTIMUS  
Wait, you're a Giant Purple Griffin?

OPTIMUS runs away, screaming.

#### EXT. DRIVE IN MOVIE THEATER - PRESENT DAY

MEGA  
You were a coward then, and you are a coward now.

BUMBLE  
(To OPTIMUS) You ran away?

OPTIMUS  
(To BUMBLE) I was a young child. What was I supposed to do?

OPTIMUS turns to MEGA.

OPTIMUS  
I may have run away from you then, but I won't run away this time!

OPTIMUS runs away.

He turns back and shouts.

OPTIMUS  
I mean, I am running away, but I'll be back - with explosions!

MEGA  
I'm not scared of you.

OPTIMUS  
You should be.

#### INT. CAVE - LATER THAT DAY

OPTIMUS and BUMBLE walk around searching for something.

OPTIMUS  
I feel sure I left my explosions somewhere around here.

BUMBLE  
Are you sure? It does seem like an odd place to keep deadly explosions.

OPTIMUS  
You know nothing Bumble bee.

BUMBLE  
We've been searching for ages. I really don't think they're here.

Suddenly, MEGA appears, holding a pair of explosions.

MEGA  
Looking for something?

BUMBLE  
Crikey, Optimus, he's got your explosions.

OPTIMUS  
Tell me something I don't already know!

BUMBLE  
The earth's circumference at the equator is about 40,075 km.

OPTIMUS  
I know that already!

BUMBLE  
I never liked Transformers The Movie.

MEGA  
(appalled) Dude!

While MEGA is looking at BUMBLE with disgust, OPTIMUS lunges forward and grabs his deadly explosions. He wields them, triumphantly.

OPTIMUS  
Prepare to die, you genocidal potato!

MEGA  
No please! All I did was sit on a bunch of movie goers!

ELITA enters, unseen by any of the others.

OPTIMUS  
I cannot tolerate that kind of behaviour! Those movie goers were defenceless! Well now they have a defender - and that's me! Optimus Prime defender of innocent movie goers.

MEGA  
Don't hurt me! Please!

OPTIMUS  
Give me one good reason why I shouldn't use these explosions on you right away!

MEGA  
Because Optimus, I am your father.

OPTIMUS looks stunned for a few moments, but then collects himself.

OPTIMUS  
No you're not!

MEGA  
Ah well, it had to be worth a try.

MEGA tries to grab the explosions but OPTIMUS dodges out of the way.

OPTIMUS  
Who's the daddy now? Huh? Huh?

Unexpectedly, MEGA slumps to the ground.

BUMBLE  
Did he just faint?

OPTIMUS  
I think so. Well that's disappointing. I was rather hoping for a more dramatic conclusion, involving my deadly explosions.

OPTIMUS crouches over MEGA's body.

BUMBLE  
Be careful, Optimus. It could be a trick.

OPTIMUS  
No, it's not a trick. It appears that... It would seem... Mega tron is dead!

BUMBLE  
What?

OPTIMUS  
Yes, it appears that I scared him to death.

BUMBLE claps his hands.

BUMBLE  
So your explosions did save the day, after all.

ELITA steps forward.

ELITA  
Is it true? Did you kill the genocidal Giant Purple Griffin?

OPTIMUS  
Elisa, how long have you been...?

ELITA puts her arm around OPTIMUS.

ELITA  
Long enough.

OPTIMUS  
Then you saw it for yourself. I killed Mega tron.

ELITA  
Then the movie goers are safe?

OPTIMUS  
It does seem that way!

A crowd of vulnerable movie goers enter, looking relived.

ELITA  
You are their hero.

The movie goers bow to OPTIMUS.

OPTIMUS  
There is no need to bow to me. I seek no worship. The knowledge that Mega tron will never sit on movie goers ever again, is enough for me.

ELITA  
You are humble as well as brave!

One of the movie goers passes OPTIMUS an ethereal Matrix

ELITA  
I think they want you to have it, as a symbol of their gratitude.

OPTIMUS  
I couldn't possibly.

Pause.

OPTIMUS  
Well, if you insist.

OPTIMUS takes the Matrix.

OPTIMUS  
Thank you.

The movie goers bow their heads once more, and leave. OPTIMUS turns to ELITA.

OPTIMUS  
Does this mean you want me back?

ELITA  
Oh, Optimus, of course I want you back!

OPTIMUS smiles for a few seconds, but then looks defiant.

OPTIMUS  
Well you can't have me.

ELITA  
_WHAT?_

OPTIMUS  
You had no faith in me. You had to see me scare a Giant Purple Griffin to death before you would believe in me. I don't want a lover like that.

ELITA  
But...

OPTIMUS  
Please leave. I want to spend time with the one person who stayed with me through thick and thin - my best friend, Bumble.

BUMBLE grins.

ELITA  
But...

BUMBLE  
You heard the gentleman. Now be off with you. Skidaddle! Shoo!

ELITA  
Optimus?

OPTIMUS  
I'm sorry Elita, but I think you should skedaddle.

ELITA leaves.

BUMBLE turns to OPTIMUS.

BUMBLE  
Did you mean that? You know... that I'm your best friend?

OPTIMUS  
Of course you are!

The two walk off arm in arm. Suddenly BUMBLE stops.

BUMBLE  
When I said I never liked Transformers The Movie, you know I was just trying to distract the Giant Purple Griffin don't you?

THE END

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I can decide if this is G1, animated, or Bayverse, but either way, I don't own any of it. Oh, and thank the Plot Generator for this master-class. I think this one actually gave me ideas for a story to write... _maybe._


	5. 5,945,200,413, Year of Decepticons

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little blurb/story idea. This is suuuuper short, so sorry :(

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I mainly wanted to post this to let people know that I won't be posting for this series on weekends. This may include Fridays going forward, but it may not. I also didn't want to post a chapter that was just an author's note, so I (well, not _I per say-_ ) made a little thing.

The War has destroyed the world as we know it.

The year is 5,945,200,413 Post Quintesson. Cybertron is a desolate place ruled by Decepticons. Once glorious, Crystal City is now shattered.

Unyielding leader, Commander Elita One is Cybertron's only hope. Elita finds the courage to start a secret revolutionary organization called The Autobots.

The fight is jeopardised when Elita is tricked by cold chaos enforcer, Scientist Shockwave, and injures her toe.

Armed with fists and sweet tricks, The Autobots try their best to save mankind, but can they defeat insane Decepticons and restore Crystal City to its former glory?

  


###### Auto Praise for _5,945,200,413, Year of Decepticons_

"Elita One is such a compelling hero. I'd give this book six stars if I could."  
\- The Daily Tale

"Yet another dystopian story set in 5,945,200,413 Cybertron. Reading this book was like playing golf with my own eyeballs."  
\- Enid Kibbler

"An injured toe is no joke. I read this book with my heart in my chest."  
\- Hit the Spoof

"I could do better."  
\- Zob Gloop

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own transformers, but I would if I could. The Plot Generator is responsible for this madness.
> 
> And I don't know if I mentioned this or not, but anyone can take any ideas/plots they might find interesting in this series and use them for themselves. If they can glean anything worth using from this train wreck, then they deserve it.


	6. The Mangled Toes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another blurb that came out... _differently_ than I how expected it to when I put in the key words. A Crime thriller feat. Jazz, Prowl, and Nightbeat everyone!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so, as silly as this may sound, I think I'm a bit over my head with this one. There are FAR less suitable Plot Generators out there than I thought there were, and at some point, these stories are going to get REALLY repetitive if I don't find a different one. I think I'm going to cut back the frequency of my posts to maybe 1 a week, or whenever I need something to kickstart my brain. I know, I know, all one of you who left kudos is devastated this exquisite example of literature will no longer be updated everyday, but don't worry! This is so I have time to work on actual writing stuff that's _not_ purposefully bad, too.

Mangled toes have been turning up all over South Iacon and the inhabitants are scared. Ten murders in ten weeks, all committed with a missile, and still nobody has a clue who the horrid killer is.

Enforcer Prowl is a stunning and effervescent dancer with a fondness for crime. He doesn't know it yet but he is the only one who can stop the unscrupulous killer.

When his mate, Jazz, is kidnapped, Enforcer Prowl finds himself thrown into the centre of the investigation. His only clue is a mystifying thingamabob.

He enlists the help of a friendly Storm Trooper called Night Beat.

Can Beat help Prowl overcome his love addiction and find the answers before the punchable killer and his deadly missile strike again?

  


######  Auto Praise for _The Mangled Toes_

"Enforcer Prowl is the best detective ever. A passion for crime and love is something we all can relate to."  
\- The Daily Tale

"About as scary as a minute ant, but The Mangled Toes does deliver an important message about the dangers of a missile."  
\- Enid Kibbler

"As always, a friendly Storm Trooper makes the best sidekick."  
\- Hit the Spoof

"I could do better."  
\- Zob Gloop

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly, I feel like I could actually _maybe_ write something with this. One day. 
> 
> Disclaimer: As always, I don't own transformers. And this is all possible thanks to the Plot Generator.


	7. Character Sheet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Not a random generation fic this time! This is actually a character sheet format (+example) I thought would be fun to share!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, this chapter is a bit different, but I figured i'd just add it here since it kind of fits within the theme of this work being a pile of random flaming bs. It's basically this custom transformers character sheet I developed and also posted on another site in it's own post, and I figured I'd just put it in here, too. I also have an example of a completed character after this, and it turned out way more detailed than I expected, which was actually perfect (Now I wanna write a full story about Exampletron the lovable Projector-Bot DX). The idea of this sheet is to flesh out details of characters that you wouldn't have otherwise thought of in a semi-organized fashion, and inspire new plot bunnies and character interactions along the way. This also references the Quadrant system of romance since I think it brings greater detail to characters by placing them in situations where they react differently to different emotions and relationship types. When I made it, I had the idea of using it for pre-existing transformers characters to get a better grasp on them, but apparently, it also works pretty well with OCs o_0. Enjoy. (Or don't. I won't tell.)

## 

Character Sheet Format

**Name:**

**Age:**

**Place of Origin:**

**Alignment:**

**Religion:**

**Gender:**

**Altmode:**

**Faction:**

**Defining Quote:**

**Physical Description:**

**Outstanding Physical Features:**

**Favorite Thing:**

**Least Favorite Thing:**

**Inventory:**

**Functionalist Class:**

**Job:**

**Stats:** Strength, Dexterity, Constitution, Intelligence, Wisdom, Charisma

**Skills/Proficiencies:**

**Weaknesses:**

**Personality/Character Description:**

**Outstanding Non-Physical Traits of Character:**

**Goals:**

**Accomplishments:**

**Failures:**

**Backstory:**

**Character’s Opinion:**

**Philosophy:**

**Friends With:**

**Platonically Dislikes:**

**Admires/Looks Up To:**

**Mentor To:**

**General Enemies With:**

**Best Friend/Amica Endure:**

**Flushed Interest:**

**Hate Crush:**

**Arch Nemesis/Mortal Enemy:**

**Peacemaker For:**

**Peacemade By:**

**Author’s Plans/Goals For Character:**

~

## 

Exampletron: The Tutorial Character!

**Name:** Exampletron

 **Age:** 100 Vorns (About 8,330 Earth years)

 **Place of Origin:** Cybertron, Pious Pools, Middle District

 **Alignment:** Lawful Good

 **Religion:** Agnostic (Ironically, despite teaching classes on Religion, he’s never thought about it)

 **Gender:** Male Leaning, He/Him, 3 on a binary scale of 1 to 10, 10 being female presenting and 1 being male presenting.

 **Altmode:** Projector

 **Faction:** Strongly Neutral

 **Defining Quote:** _“Teaching the next generation is the greatest privilege a bot could ask for.”_

 **Physical Description:** About 5 Meters Tall, Padded Shoulders, Blue paint with green accents, blue optics, and helm fins that have a paperclip-like pattern on them. They are built Lightly, but are not frail. Small in appearance, but not a mini-bot or a mini-con.

 **Outstanding Physical Features:** They’ve got big feet, and they’ve got small, decorational kibble wings on their back.

 **Favorite Thing:** History, Wooden Rulers (the texture is so… interesting!)

 **Least Favorite Thing:** Exclusionary Policies, Bad Teachers

 **Inventory:** Caries no weapons. Has at least one ruler and one extra hand-held clock at all times. Laminated samples of things. A puzzle cube. A Personal Data Pad and a Work Data Pad.

 **Functionalist Class:** Delta, Disposable Class

 **Job:** An Academy Teaching Assistant and Part-Time Unofficial Tutor For The Newly Forged

 **Stats:** Strength: 2, Dexterity: 4, Constitution: 3, Intelligence: 8, Wisdom: 5, Charisma: 8

 **Skills/Proficiencies:** Proficient in History, Religion, Investigation, Insight, and Performance. Has a vast information base of most teachable subjects. He is a very charming person, albeit mostly unintentionally. It’s why the Academy lets him get away with stuff. Proficient in being loved. :)

 **Weaknesses:** Low Insight, Intimidation, Deception, Athletics. Not very strong, not very hardy. Could not hold himself in a fight. He’s not a pacifist, he just couldn’t conceive the idea of getting into a physical fight with anyone, and therefore has never thought about it. In the only thing he has situational insight into is the minds and emotions of students. Sympathetic and perceptive of their needs, but his low situational awareness of everything else combined with his sheltered nature (he was raised in Pious Academy, basically), leave him vulnerable to malicious manipulation and the danger he unknowingly puts himself in when he strives for lawful change.

 **Personality/Character Description:** A kind, jovial, knowledge-loving bot. He loves to teach students, and constantly expresses his gladness when he is able to do so, even though he is often relegated to being a board projector for others. He wants to pass on knowledge from himself to the next generation, and has a fondness for history in particular. Wants to teach so badly, he often gets himself in trouble. He has a good mind, and tries to follow the rules as best he can, but when it came to keeping himself out of social/legal trouble, he had heart where he should have had brains. He has trouble keeping his cool when assisting bad teachers who either butcher the material and/or are cruel to students. Honestly, is a bit oblivious to the corrupted state of society, and is unaware of the danger he is in by semi-unknowingly defying the norm.

 **Outstanding Non-Physical Traits of Character:** An Incredible Memory and love of learning. Definitely more so than your average person, or even your average teacher. Very kind, and prioritizes his students' welfare above all else.

 **Goals:** Wants to become a teacher. Wants to teach a history class. Wants to improve his students’ quality of life by improving society as a whole. Also pushed for peaceful, legal educational reform on Cybertron. He wanted to make teacher credentials available to anyone who could pass certain tests instead of _building people to be teachers and throwing them into a teaching/tutoring career whether they liked it or not._ He also pushed for the creation of “On The Grid” classes, which are basically online classes that can be taken anywhere, and more importantly, by anyone (which for a functionalist government trying to limit which types of people could and could not receive and education, was quite a problem).

 **Accomplishments:** He once taught a long-running Intro To Pre-History course before being outed. Had the highest success and proficiency scores of any other teacher in the school. He is very proud of the quality of his historical evidence and analysis. He can and will name several “students of his” who became very successful researcher/educators of their own; Daybreak, Vertical Shift, Imperial, Nautical… he set up a few “Grid Classes,” but they were taken down by the government after “potential terrorist sympathizers” began to access them.

 **Failures:** He was “barred” from his unlicensed teaching after the government put pressure on the academy to be “up to code.” He was devastated. He never got the majority of his reforms pushed through, and not many people cared about his cause; either they were uninterested in change, or his concerns were to “niche.” He's terrified of letting his students down.

 **Backstory:** He has worked at Pious Academy since it was open. He was literally sparked for his job. Serving as a projector for other teachers to display things on by day and scouring the library by night, he listened in on so many lectures, and knew the school so well, he became the formats expert on all things going on. He was inspired by one kind professor who only taught one year at the school before leaving to follow his heart and pass on his vast array of knowledge on to the next generation. His light and charming personality endeared him to the management staff, and allowed him to do additional work, despite his Disposable Class. There was one point where he was teaching classes on his own thanks to his vast array of data and his sheer seniority, until some spoiled prick of a student found out his Frame Type and tattled (*Cough* Sentinel). The Academy is now very careful to keep Exampletron on a leash, for fear of governmental retribution.

 **Character’s Opinion:** Exampletron believes that he needs to do what it takes to get his right to teach back by changing the education system such that knowledge and learning have the most priority in a school setting, putting aside all Classism for it’s sake. He pushed for reforms, and patiently waits for his letters, inquiries, pamphlets, and essays to be reviewed and discussed upon (they never are, but he keeps trying). He’s not a “revolutionary” per say, he thinks everything he’s trying to get done is obvious to everyone, it’s just no one’s bothered to address it yet, is all.

 **Philosophy:** The students, their education, and their quality of life is the most important thing. Hands down. Exampletron thinks that knowledge, history, literature, and culture is all beautiful, and that everyone should have the chance to appreciate it. Teaching is the most rewarding experience there is, and watching your students become better is and should be the goal, always.

 **Friends With:** Several of the staff, administrators, and students of Pious Academy. Doesn’t know anyone else, really.

 **Platonically Dislikes:** One student who always purposely spills oil on his Projector Form, even after Oil consumables were banned from the classroom. What’s with that guy, anyway?

 **Admires/Looks Up To:** Alpha Trion. He’s never seen them in person (obviously), but he is All Over historical accounts of his actions and his records. (It's like having a crush on a historical figure, but that historical figure is still very much alive and it’s awkward as hell for everyone involved.)

 **Mentor To:** Specifically, Hardlight, and aspiring writer in the Architecture History class he assists in. He tutors her on the down-low about the Quintesseons and Age of Wrath, as that’s where her book is set.

 **General Enemies With:** The assistant dean, Whippersnap. They’re always cruel and mocking after one of Exampletron’s attempts to get change or teach a class on the sly goes awry.

 **Best Friend/Amica Endure:** A teacher named Inquiry. They’re not Amica or anything, but they’re still really good friends. Inquiry always asks for Exampletron’s opinion during his geography class.

 **Flushed Interest:** Again, it’s Inquiry. He’s just not sure how to bring it up…

 **Hate Crush:** Uh,,, no one, really? He is Black Aromantic. He doesn’t enjoy hating people, really, but understands that others find this form of romance attractive and/or cathartic.

 **Arch Nemesis/Mortal Enemy:** Trunchable from down the hall. She is THE WORST teacher OF ALL TIME. NO knowledge of subject matter, downright CRUEL to the students AND the other staff. She enjoys cruel and unusual punishment for even the smallest of slights. She once forced another teacher to eat an entire full-sized oil-cake in a teacher’s meeting for stealing her slice of cake from the work fridge, and the teacher got so sick they had to go to the hospital to get their tanks pumped. No one can tell her off or fire her because she’s the daughter of some high ranking official, and to make matters WORSE she teaches THE NEW FORGES. UGH!!!! He doesn’t like hating people, but she forces his platonic hand!

 **Peacemaker For:** Many, many, _many_ student pairs (and one teacher pair). Study groups can be quite challenging when you have to play Peacemaker for not one, not two, but four intensely Black-waxing couples all at the same time. That was a trying semester for Exampletron. The teacher pair is the only one he enjoys Peacekeeping. Young bots, as a rule, are hell to Mediate, even for Exampletron.

 **Peacemade By:** Honeytrap, an assistant dean, mediates Exampletron and Trunchable, basically whenever they’re in the same room. It is a platonic Mediation, but so what? It’s the closest thing you can get with Exampletron.

 **Author’s Plans/Goals For Character:** Exampletron tries to set up a Grid Class at the wrong time in the wrong place, and sends one to many letters to his local senator, and he gets placed on the Government’s long, _long_ shit list. Ironically, Exampletron’s knowledge of history didn’t allow him to realize it was repeating itself, nor save him of his corrupt overlords and the lengths they would go to keep their power. At the end of the Golden Age, during the terror and confusion of the Dreaded Rust Plague, Exampletron, among many other political dissenters of the Prime, both private citizens and public politicians, are kidnapped from their homes and forced through space bridges en-mass to random colony locations. And then, to quarantine off the planet, Sentinel makes the decision to permanently deactivate the space bridges. What timing, amiright? Exampletron lands on Caminus and not one of the infected colonies, thankfully. He didn’t achieve his goal of reforming Cybertron’s education system, but at least the Camiens let him get a job as a history teacher the way he always wanted! He still misses his old students, though (and Inquiry).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can also find this posted on Tumblr. My account name is the same FYI, but there's really not a lot else on it X'). This was hell to format.


	8. Cybertronian Daily Headlines: Hot Takes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Extra Extra! Read All about it! Some local and international headlines and their hooks highlighted from The Cybertronian Daily, a popular news outlet on Cybertron!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Headlines are all random generated, but the blurbs and such were all improvised and written by yours truly. :)

\---

# 

Cybertronian Daily Local Headlines

\---

-

## Mech Found Having Tea Party With Turbofox. Again.

  
"Mind yo' d*mn business," says mech, "he can have a tea party if he wants."

-

## Squidgy The Allspark Likely To Win Village Show

  
Fastlane's prized pet Allspark, Squidgy, is voted most likely to will Village Show by Local residents...

-

## Local Mech Wins Poobnooboobpploob Growing Contest For the Third Time

  
With a Poobnooboobpploob weighing 3 tons and measuring at one story high, this Local Mech has won the annual Poobnooboobpploob Growing competition for the 3rd year in a row! Says secret to success is Bongfish...

-

## Femme With Leg Tattoo Arrested for 37th Time

  
Femme with a tattoo of a leg on her face has been arrested on charges of public indecency and assault for the 37th time in two orbital cycles, enforcers say...

-

## Viral Photo of Turbofox Had Been Photoshopped

  
"Mind yo' d*mn business," says photoshopper, "he paid for it, he can do what he likes with his own d*mn photos."

-

## Local Mech Set to Fly Out and Help With Acid Rain Storm Relief Effort

  
One valiant young mech set to fly out to aid in relief efforts for massive Acid Storm in Ibex. "Hopefully he remembers to fly above the clouds," says residents...

-

## Mech Buys Funny Hats For Low Income Local Family

  
"These are nice," says family, "but we need food. We're starving." Sources claim...

-

\---

# 

Cybertronian Daily National Headlines

\---

-

## Turbofox Catches Train Across Country

  
"Mind yo' d*mn business," says turbofox, "I paid for my ticket like everyone else..."

-

## Mech Jailed For Threatening Wife With Squidgy The Allspark

  
Local Mech Fastlane jailed for threatening wife with former prospective winner of Village Show, Squidgy The Allspark. "I was terrified," says wife...

-

## New Variety of Poobnooboobpploob Set to Revolutionise Our Eating Habits

  
"This one will melt our insides even faster," says supposed biomechanical engineer Brainstorm. Worryingly, the two species of Poobnooboobpploob are indistinguishable from the outside...

-

## Mech With Leg Tattoo Suspected of Art Theft

  
Mech with tattoo of leg on face matching series of other criminals' tattoos was found with over fifty stolen art pieces in apartment, along with over 2 million credits on person. Is the Leg Tattoo a sign of a larger crime conspiracy? More on page 12...

-

## Small Acid Rain Storm Forcast in Northern Regions

  
"A small acid rain storm is scheduled to occur in Norther Sylvia Forest," says head weather coordinator Skycutter of Vos, "so don't be there when it happens. You won't win the lawsuit if you are..."

-

## Pink Funny Hats Are the Latest Big Trend Says Top Fashion Designer

  
"They have a _magnifique_ , a special quality to them," Gushes top fashion designer, "I just can't put them down! I never leave my hab without one..."

-

\---

# 

Cybertronian Daily International Headlines

\---

-

## Rare Pink Turbofox Escapes From Kaon Zoo

  
"Good for her," says local Mechanimal Justice Division. More on Page 8...

-

## Luna II Voted Nicest Place to Live in the Solar System

  
Luna II, historical home to the Luna II Minicons, has been voted to have the highest quality of living in the solar system by residents. More on Page 5...

-

## The World's Biggest Poobnooboobpploob Measuring Over 1m

  
The World's biggest Poobnooboobpploob on record is over 1 mile tall and weighs 500 tons, experts say. Grower says secret to success is harvesting the Rim Frappes of Bonefish, which are the pootsacks mated to the Bungus of the snogbag's fuccbone, for fertilizer. Mechanimal Justice Division reportedly horrified by this development...

-

## Knee Tattoos Banned in North Iacon

  
Due to a series of crimes committed by mecha with matching facial tattoos of knee joints, the local district of Northern Iacon has declared the tattoos a gang-affiliation symbol. Chief Enforcer Sparkstalker claims anyone seen with the knee tattoo will be brought in for questioning. More on page 11...

-

## Acid Rain Storm Causes Devastation

  
In South Praxus, an enormous unscheduled Acid Storm causes millions in property damage, leaving three dead and ninety-five Praxian citizens in critical condition. The city of Praxus prepares lawsuit against the Vosian Weather Coordination Division. Malicious intentions for storm suspected by law enforcement...

-

## Funny Hats Linked to Global Health Scare

  
Latest big fashion trend, Pink Funny Hats, found to be infested with parasitic entities feeding off mechas' fuel lines, causing addiction, forcing people to buy more Funny Hats. Millions Infected, 1,707 dead, More on Page 4...

-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poobnooboobpploob is a Cybertronian delicacy that is said to be so tasty, people will eat it even though it slowly melts their digestive tanks little by little every time they do. It is also "Pineapple," but every vowel is replaced with "oob."
> 
> EDIT: Forgot the Disclaimer. I don't own Transformers. Forgot that for a second. And what a second it was...  
> Oh, and the headlines were generated by The Plot Generator. But the little blurbs underneath were all me. :)


	9. Thundercracker goes on Tinder

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I only date nice people who want to meet me for watching TV, shooting people and mutual respect. (Shut UP Skywarp-)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, I don't really know. Can anyone tell me what TC's motivations are? I've looked under every rock in the land, and I can't find them. Thanks.
> 
> I don't own transformers. If I said that I did, would anyone actually hunt me down for it? Like, are the secret Hasbro police gonna dox me and bust down my door? If so, than I might do it to see what happens.

And now for something completely different.

To the only good person out there,

I'll be honest with you. I've been hurt pretty bad in the past. I refuse to be a cash machine or play thing ever again. So don't message me unless you know how to respect mechs. I'm a fun kinda man (yes I am, shut up Skywarp!).

I'm an intuitive gentlemech, who likes nothing more than watching TV with the right person.

The first thing people usually notice about me is my quiet personality, closly followed by my smashing wings. I hope you will not laugh at my wings, as people have in the past, or treat my ...toes? (Skywarp, stop with the suggestions! We don't even have toes) like a joke.

I work by shooting people and flying around taking orders from fools, helping only fools. This allows me to exercise my skills: yelling really loud and writing TV scripts (yes I can! Skywarp I will kick you out). My job once caused me to encounter Meteorfire, yet still people treat me like junk. It's just not on.

My life goals include: 

  * Meet Eric Idle
  * Punish people for being evil
  * Discover that there are still some good people in the world
  * Become the best at shooting people and flying around taking orders from fools I can be
  * Help all the fools in the world



If you're the right person for me, you'll be won't shoot me and you has a spark pulse. You won't be afraid to fly up real high and will have a healthy respect for the fact that I won't be taking any shit from this point onwards.

My ideal date would involve shooting people in Hollywood with a curvaceous person by my side. While we're there, I admire your nice toes (Why toes? Skywarp sTOP-), hoping to myself that you're not another nutter.

In case I haven't made myself clear, people have hurt me in the past - bad. My last partner nailed my grandmother to a spike. Now I'm looking for someone that has a spark pulse a person with nice toes (sTOP WITH THE TOES I-), as I read in a magazine that they are the least evil.

A nod's as good as a wink to a blind bat, eh?

Prove me wrong about people?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This abomination is possible thanks to The Plot Bby.  
> If it was hard to tell, it's Thundercracker who's profile this is. And I didn't plan that photo, btw. The fates aligned to make it happen, I honestly can't believe it.


	10. Re: Fracking - I Feel Sexually Confuddled!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dear Sentinel Prime,
> 
> Your giant chin is annoying and your conduct, greasy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

Dear Sentinel Prime,

I am a member of the Decepticon party. I have always found your party's politics somewhat sweaty try-harding and your individual views rather lonely. I believe in the values of liberty and aesthetics.

Your giant chin is annoying and your conduct, greasy.

Recently, I have come to feel sexually confuddled about fracking. I am affected by this twice a day because I'm a silver fox.

During your time as a politician, you have spoken out against basic decency and argued in favour of smelting of the elderly. I hope you will rise to the challenge and put an end to fake news.

I am writing you to ask that you stop publicly flirting with me and also, hopefully resize your chin. Don't let your fuckass relationship with Senator Rabat stand in the way of progress.

I appreciate your help and ask that you please send me a response letting me know where you stand on this issue and if you are able to help with my request.

Thank you for taking time to read my letter, oh annoying one.

Megatron of Kaon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am VERY please with how this one came out. I couldn't have lined it up better myself (which I mean is true since I'm doing a plot generator and not writing it myself so-).  
> This is all thanks to the  plot generator. I don't own transformers I swear! I don't even have pockets you won't find anything on me, just don't shoot plz


	11. Nuts Whirl

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Whirl goes nuts, and Rung is there to calm him down. ...Or is he?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uh... 'S been awhile, huh?
> 
> _I'll make you regret me coming back._

Whirl had always hated the formerly organized Ultra Magnus's Office with its outrageous, old oil splatters. It was a place where he felt fergalicious.

He was a Nuts, easily entertained, the blood of his enemies drinker with lanky claws and skinny abs. His friends saw him as a spicy, sad sociopath. Once, he had even brought a fierce condensed swarm of sentient scraplets back from the brink of death. That's the sort of mech he was.

Whirl walked over to the window and reflected on his deserted surroundings. The nebulous clouds teased like drinking cats.

Then he saw something in the distance, or rather someone. It was the figure of Rung. Rung was a caring saint with calm claws and terrible abs.

Whirl gulped. He was not prepared for Rung.

As Whirl stepped outside and Rung came closer, he could see the decomposing smile on his face.

Rung gazed with the affection of 8205 tactless, glorious giraffes. He said, in hushed tones, "I love you and I want any indication you are mentally stable."

Whirl looked back, even more cross and still fingering the invisible severed hand. "Rung, X to doubt, lol," he replied.

They looked at each other with irritable feelings, like two bored, black bats rampaging at a very predatory National Helicopter Day, which had irritating cyber punk music playing in the background and two sympathetic uncles gyrating to the beat.

Whirl regarded Rung's calm claws and terrible abs. "I feel the same way!" revealed Whirl with a delighted grin.

Rung looked barmy, his emotions blushing like a wet, weak wig.

Then Rung came inside for a nice drink of the blood of his enemies.

THE END

### Auto Praise for Nuts Whirl

"I feel like I know Whirl. In a way, it feels as though I've always known him."  
\- The Daily Tale

"About as enjoyable as being hailed on whilst taking in washing that has been targeted by seagulls with the squits."  
\- Enid Kibbler

"Saying the nebulous clouds teased like drinking cats is just the kind of literary device that makes this brilliant."  
\- Hit the Spoof

"I could do better."  
\- Zob Gloop

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, I think I might start actually writing things soon, instead of Auto-generating these uncle stories lol (provided the school quarter system doesn't murder me). Also I don't own the characters or transformers. Be thankful.


	12. The Cold Hand

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the worst thing I've posted on this site yet. Everyone enjoy some gender-bent Cliffjumper and Ultra Magnus because I forgot to hit the "Male" button on the plot generator site. Just when you thought the author's standards couldn't _possibly_ get any lower.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Transformers. If I did, it would have been confiscated from me by now. This work is a product of the Plot Generator.

Cliffjumper looked at the cold hand in her hands and felt surprised.

She walked over to the window and reflected on her spooky surroundings. She had always hated eerie The Side of the Road with its manky, massive moonlit trees. It was a place that encouraged her tendency to feel surprised.

Then she saw something in the distance, or rather someone. It was the figure of Ultra Magnus. Ultra was a tight-fisted man with greasy feet and fragile eyelashes.

Cliffjumper gulped. She glanced at her own reflection. She was a cold-blooded, caring, dirt drinker with sticky feet and ample eyelashes. Her friends saw her as a manky, massive man. Once, she had even jumped into a river and saved a villainous stereo.

But not even a cold-blooded person who had once jumped into a river and saved a villainous stereo, was prepared for what Ultra had in store today.

The misty teased like screeching lizards, making Cliffjumper flabergasted.

As Cliffjumper stepped outside and Ultra came closer, she could see the queenlike glint in her eye.

"I am here because I want affection," Ultra bellowed, in an adorable tone. She slammed her fist against Cliffjumper's chest, with the force of 4375 monkeys. "I frigging hate you, Cliffjumper ."

Cliffjumper looked back, even more flabergasted and still fingering the cold hand. "Ultra, our car is broken down, I think the engine is broken," she replied.

They looked at each other with anxious feelings, like two old, obnoxious owls scratching at a very stupid a breakdown, which had stereo music music playing in the background and two controlling uncles waking up to the beat.

Suddenly, Ultra lunged forward and tried to punch Cliffjumper in the face. Quickly, Cliffjumper grabbed the cold hand and brought it down on Ultra's skull.

Ultra's greasy feet trembled and her fragile eyelashes wobbled. She looked confident, her body raw like a misty, motionless man door hand hook car door.

Then she let out an agonising groan and collapsed onto the ground. Moments later Ultra Magnus was dead.

Cliffjumper went back inside and made herself a nice drink of dirt.

THE END

### Auto Praise for _The Cold Hand_

"I feel like I know Cliffjumper. In a way, it feels as though I've always known her."  
\- The Daily Tale

"About as enjoyable as being hailed on whilst taking in washing that has been targeted by seagulls with the squits."  
\- Enid Kibbler

"Saying the misty teased like screeching lizards is just the kind of literary device that makes this brilliant."  
\- Hit the Spoof

"I could do better."  
\- Zob Gloop

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To be honest, I just wanted to post something on here so all three of you out there know that I'm not dead. Those other AO3-ers were not kidding when they said exam season was cruel :'). I think this might be the last one of these I post, unless someone out there actively asks for more. I think I might be at the point where I might actually try and write something instead of posting random plot generator things. I have a few ideas, not all of them Transformers, not all of them good. I do have a few transformers fics in mind, but I don't think my writing level is at a good enough place for them just yet. I'll keep you all posted! :)


End file.
